One step away from excommunication.
One step into miscommunication.
One step backward for communication.
One way communication.
In many ways I've grown blunt and in-your-face.
In other ways I've hid true feelings.
Because I can't seem to get out of this "lets not screw the world with personal problems" mentality.
I can't even see myself now.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Monday, December 22, 2008
#169 I Looked At The Sky
I should have been asleep two hours ago, because I'm supposed to reveille at 5.30am.
I'm glad I don't have to stay in camp unlike Yong Ren & Yeow Chong (chao SISPEC kias, they'll pass out as 3rd Sergeants at the end of their 6 months training stint in the least).
The downside is that I'm stuck with Recruit for a long time to come, and the most I'll ever become is a Corporal First Class.
Looking back, my first day of work wasn't too bad.
Looking forward, the two years are going to be a big surprise, whether for good or for bad.
Sometimes I just wonder. Was my smile worth it?
I'm glad I don't have to stay in camp unlike Yong Ren & Yeow Chong (chao SISPEC kias, they'll pass out as 3rd Sergeants at the end of their 6 months training stint in the least).
The downside is that I'm stuck with Recruit for a long time to come, and the most I'll ever become is a Corporal First Class.
Looking back, my first day of work wasn't too bad.
Looking forward, the two years are going to be a big surprise, whether for good or for bad.
Sometimes I just wonder. Was my smile worth it?
Sunday, December 14, 2008
#168 Farewell
So long~
It's time to say goodbye~
Because 9 hours later, I enter the next stage of my life; National Service.
It's time to say goodbye~
Because 9 hours later, I enter the next stage of my life; National Service.
Monday, December 1, 2008
#167 The Irony
There is no iron in irony.
Okay that was lame.
And yet, gaining weight for me, unlike the vast majority of the world's population, is nigh impossible.
Losing it is easier than *alphabets*.
Just like how shampoo-ing is a luxury. And it's not because we can't afford it.
We just don't have enough of those black extensions that are supposed to sprout, covering our otherwise reflective scalp.
I'm talking about the NSmen.
*Gulps* 13 days to losing my crowning glory.
19 days to age plus one.
Less than 24 hours to the meet-up with Lester.
Less than 2 days to the meet-up with Jerrome a.k.a. MNG (Mr Nice Guy).
Less than 3 days to the meet-up with Jun Wei & Elaine.
And less than 12 hours to work.
New friends at work, and more practice teaching people how to handle the monotony of the job.
And yet I feel as empty as ever.
Perhaps defeated would be a more apt word.
I wonder when I'll let go of my heart and believe once more.
I'd like to smile at the world, and tell it, it's okay to be imperfect.
Just love each other.
That's what's driving us forward, upward.
Okay that was lame.
And yet, gaining weight for me, unlike the vast majority of the world's population, is nigh impossible.
Losing it is easier than *alphabets*.
Just like how shampoo-ing is a luxury. And it's not because we can't afford it.
We just don't have enough of those black extensions that are supposed to sprout, covering our otherwise reflective scalp.
I'm talking about the NSmen.
*Gulps* 13 days to losing my crowning glory.
19 days to age plus one.
Less than 24 hours to the meet-up with Lester.
Less than 2 days to the meet-up with Jerrome a.k.a. MNG (Mr Nice Guy).
Less than 3 days to the meet-up with Jun Wei & Elaine.
And less than 12 hours to work.
New friends at work, and more practice teaching people how to handle the monotony of the job.
And yet I feel as empty as ever.
Perhaps defeated would be a more apt word.
I wonder when I'll let go of my heart and believe once more.
I'd like to smile at the world, and tell it, it's okay to be imperfect.
Just love each other.
That's what's driving us forward, upward.
Friday, November 28, 2008
#166 Up In Arms!
How life has played everyone a fool.
How things have got back to square zero.
How understanding has degenerated comprehension.
How contradictions have come to light.
How the perpendiculr threads of life lie in preternatural incongruence.
How little sense I make of my surroundings in the drunkenness of the moment.
Why was I chosen?
How I wish I was blissfully unaware.
Because reality isn't cruel. It's just incomprehensibly unintelligible.
The darkness sure reveals some inscrutable odd-ball nuances.
Just as the light obscures...
Pardon my intentional belligerent persiflage.
But that's just frustrating.
And I wonder at my superfluous adjectival use.
How things have got back to square zero.
How understanding has degenerated comprehension.
How contradictions have come to light.
How the perpendiculr threads of life lie in preternatural incongruence.
How little sense I make of my surroundings in the drunkenness of the moment.
Why was I chosen?
How I wish I was blissfully unaware.
Because reality isn't cruel. It's just incomprehensibly unintelligible.
The darkness sure reveals some inscrutable odd-ball nuances.
Just as the light obscures...
Pardon my intentional belligerent persiflage.
But that's just frustrating.
And I wonder at my superfluous adjectival use.
#165 Solitaire
Here I am, in front of the computer, playing solitaire and listening to music.
Here I am, but where am I?
Here I am, but where am I?
#164 In The Distance
As I was on the train back home, I looked to the distance. As if trailing the setting sun, a burst of redness swelled across the horizon.
Somehow, I felt a stirring, an urgency within me.
Fast forward to the slow walk home;
In Everything There Is A Gift
In tears, there is consolation
In pain, there is healing
In remorse, there is forgiveness
In anger, there is respite
In disgrace, there is humility
In separation, there is memory
In rejection, there is another door
And yet,
To love deeply, is to hurt deeply. And I know that despite all my faults and failings, there is One who loves me deeply, and who because of my distance, hurts deeply.
But still I cannot find the courage, to return, to seek His forgiveness, to enter His sanctuary. Because, the fear I have is perhaps as strong as the anger that I feel within.
People may fail us, but how many utterly destroy us by neglect?
As I looked into that redness, I feel the emotions I have felt and am feeling, that just as red is the colour of blood, so is it the colour of love.
And yet, because of all my failings I cannot go back.
So here, I am, observing, my doubts caged in, my fears suppressed, my anger repressed.
But hey, at least I can smile.
Why? Don't know, I just try.
Somehow, I felt a stirring, an urgency within me.
Fast forward to the slow walk home;
In Everything There Is A Gift
In tears, there is consolation
In pain, there is healing
In remorse, there is forgiveness
In anger, there is respite
In disgrace, there is humility
In separation, there is memory
In rejection, there is another door
And yet,
To love deeply, is to hurt deeply. And I know that despite all my faults and failings, there is One who loves me deeply, and who because of my distance, hurts deeply.
But still I cannot find the courage, to return, to seek His forgiveness, to enter His sanctuary. Because, the fear I have is perhaps as strong as the anger that I feel within.
People may fail us, but how many utterly destroy us by neglect?
As I looked into that redness, I feel the emotions I have felt and am feeling, that just as red is the colour of blood, so is it the colour of love.
And yet, because of all my failings I cannot go back.
So here, I am, observing, my doubts caged in, my fears suppressed, my anger repressed.
But hey, at least I can smile.
Why? Don't know, I just try.
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