#6 On A Tuesday Night

It's weird, but I'm glad I'm still getting feelings of guilt here and there. Feelings of regret, feelings of being a failure, of running away.

Of so much I've wanted to do, I've done so little. But then again, it takes little steps to make a big leap forward.

I finally hollered at the class. Screamed. Studio Production is killer on my nerves; especially because of a script that I (and I believe a majority) do not believe in, ill-preparedness and a nagging sense of tiredness. Add a bunch of troublemakers and a tangle of cable wires. Disaster.

Finally I've run dry on brain juice. FYP 1 is moving forward. We just had a review with our FYP advisors (see we're so lucky to have more than one!) and they say the film's pretty "not bad". Shan't think about the subtext. Got a lot more inspiration for the editing but the deadline's coming soon. And I've all but abandoned the flash intro which I oh-so-painstakenly did. Face it, Windez, using filters in Final Cut Pro is so much sleeker and easier!

FYP 2's killing me even before it started. It pains me to no end to see people walking toward a cliff edge and not trying to build a bridge across. Come on, if it comes to that, I'll just build a bridge across myself. I have, however, no guarantees that anyone else who crosses that bridge would survive. Seriously, I'm no mule or slave.

Planning an interesting birthday bash for Sylvester and Jerrome. They're going to get it big time.

And then the silence forces me to face my fears.

I've never liked the prospect of joining a IG. (a.k.a. CCA) Neither do I want or intend to join one. I'm not exactly living the perfect life right now, but if what was once my sanctuary has become a living nightmare, I'm not ready to face my fears now.

Not yet. Not when it still festers like an infected wound.

And don't ask me when. Tell me how.

~Zig