#11 Lifehouse: Everything

CG yesterday was a particularly powerful time. Maybe it's because I haven't been there for so long. In no particular order, but rather by strength of impression I recall...

http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ee73e63418003b47d7d5 First I'd like to introduce a video that Jovin showed us in CG.

The lyrics struck me hard. It was a feeling I seem to have forgotten ever since running away. To think I heard that song even before I was a believer, but yet put so little thought to its meaning until now. I guess I assumed that all commercialised shows used secular music (Smallville). Guess not.

You know, Nehemiah's got a unique way with expression. Expressing himself. And that has always been my weakness but I'll cut straight to the point. Nehemiah was earnestly sharing his testimony (the whole deal, from non-believer to believer to backslider to rededication to present). And guess what? To others it may mean nothing, but in the span of half an hour, he spoke exactly what I felt, when I felt, how I felt, why I felt in his testimony, during my time of running away.

He's a pretty amazing brother. Nehemiah I mean. And in so many ways. And its been a long time since I've felt about anyone that I have personally shared life in the day to day. I guess since Alvin? Hearing him share his testimony reminded me of the song, Killing Me Softly With His Song. Why? Listen to the lyrics and you'll understand.

And as tulmultous as the journey running away has been, so has it been finding the courage to come back. Honestly, with each brother and sister I met and spoke to, even briefly, I felt the sting of guilt and shame. The guilt of running away. And of falling apart in many aspects of my life during that dark period. Some things I held on dearly, others I lost in my blind struggle. But nothing I felt was more wasteful than the time that I have lost.

It'll be hard starting from square one. It'll be hard beating back my fears. But at least I am back. And if it is not too much to ask, I'd just like to be reminded and refreshed of my direction. That way at least when troubles come a-knocking, I still know where I'm heading.

#10 I'm Back

I'm finally back. Glad. Grateful too, for everyone's gracious open arms. I'd always had that feeling that when/if I try to make a u-turn, I'd find a concrete hard wall facing me, especially with different people. Guess that's just not true. Thanks everyone for the chance.

But still I see myself running away from the little fragments that continue to instil fear in me. Things just don't change overnight.

Lord I ask for more courage. By instinct I flee too easily. By truth You promised to set me free, to let me live a life in contentment.

:) I only like you. No one else.