#71 So This Is How It Ends ~ The Tales of Sadness

In a moment of sheer folly,

I hoped.

Then the truth set in;

It's never going to be the same ever again.

How little is the strength of but a man,

When expectations and conscience weight upon his heart.

An indomitable spirit I do not have,

The strength that I relied upon never was.

Walking the path of the shattered,

I am the one who will be trampled feet upon feet.

Let the tragedy begin.


~~~~~~

Chapter 1

"Look at me," he whispered as they held on tightly. "When we get out of here, you where I wanna be; with you. So don't tell me you're not worth it, that there are circumstances that force you away. Nothing's going to stop us as long as we keep trying!"

With terrified eyes, the response came, "Ron, I..."

"Hush now," Ron continued. "It's all a bad dream. Now just close your eyes and rest. And in no time, we'll be out of here, where the sun shines brightly."

Pulling Sarah close by, Ron whispered of the times when they had gone out together to view the world not in the eyes of those who seek excitement, but of those who wished to find their place in the world. Together.

This tiny bit of space is not good for her, Ron thought.

Ron knew how hard she tried not to give in to terror from the strength at which she clung on to him, nails digging into his arms. He bore with it in the hope that it might give her a little comfort, a little support to last the time they had to endure.

Soon enough, she was in the safe embrace of her dreams. Ron relaxed. For the time being, the claustrophobia would not be bothering her.

All that was left was to wait out the time it took for them to be rescued. The rubble would be cleared and they would be out to see another sunset together...

~~~~~

Chapter 2

"You're finally awake," a voice spoke.

Light pried through the lids of his eyes, blinding him momentarily as the mid-day sun. Finally regaining his sense of sight though still a little dazed, Ron looked to see Sarah already wide awake.

"The doctors say you'll be just fine. It was a miracle that you bruised only a little taking the force of such a huge slab of concrete," Sarah paused, before chiding lightly. "Why didn't you tell me that I was hurting you when I held on to you? Those scratch marks are going to leave bruises!"

"It's alright. It didn't hurt as much as you thought," weakly Ron replied. "You were so terrified."

Sarah blushed in embarrassment but replying indignantly, "Well I'm fine now, aren't I. More so than yo-..." Sarah paused before continuing, "Anyway I'm perfectly fine."

Ron raised an eyebrow, suspicious. He probed, "What happened? What did the doctors say?"

"It's...nothing, really," Sarah drew a nervous glance. "Nothing's wrong, really,"she replied weakly, almost pleading.

A knot welled up in the pit of his stomach as Ron realised Sarah was avoiding his gaze.

"The growth. It's spreading isn't it," Ron queried, bending forward. "The look in your eyes says it all."

"I-," Sarah slumped in her seat, before replying slowly, "Ron, I know now's not the best time to talk about it, but you should really find someone else, someone who will be with you longer than I can. Someone you can rely upon. Someone-"

"Look, we've been through that before and my answer's always been the same, if it isn't you it's no one else," Ron cut in sharply. The words rained down harshly upon Ron but he was determined to make his stand once and for all.

"You can't expect me to go away and pretend nothing happened. You can't give it all up just because you want to save your conscience, that if in the least you've given someone a way out of loneliness when you are gone," Ron responded.

"Wait Ron-" Sarah replied, raising herself to face a now standing Ron.

"You know how much I want to be there for you," Ron cut in.

"Tell me you don't want me by your side anymore. Tell me you don't need me around anymore," Ron continued agitately. "Say that you don't need me in your life and I-"

"WAIT! Shut up!" Sarah screamed, before slumping back into her seat. "Just shut up will you!" Tears welled up the corner of her eyes. "It's not as if I chose all these to happen. They just came. And I don't want you to get caught up it all of it just because of me. Not if I can help it...," Sarah stammered.

"I... won't let you."

Ron stepped closer, embracing her in his arms. "I-I'm sorry, it's my fault." I should have been mindful of the things you've been through." Seeing her in that state ached his heart.

"But I want you to know," Ron said, tilting her head towards him. "I want to make a choice to be there with you. I didn't get caught up in it; I chose to be here."

He looked into her eyes. "Just like I chose to be in that wreck, just like how I chose to let you hold on to me tight and how I chose to help you believe."

Gently Ron wiped the tears off her eyes as he continued, "Don't you get it? I can't walk away from it all. Having experienced what I have, having known what I have known, having been hurt..."

He paused to draw a deep breath.

"Hurt at times yes but having been through it all, I still choose to be here with you," Ron continued earnestly. "The tumour... or no matter what happens to you, how much it grows, wouldn't change a thing."

"So don't tear me away from you. Don't push me aside anymore," Ron continued softly. "Or I can never forgive you. Please. Believe in me."


~~~~~

Chapter 3

To be continued...

#70 I'm... Back.

It strikes me how easily my words can crush hope and shatter impressions.

And how the same words take so much effort to build one person up.

I guess that's one of the biggest reason why I tend not to like speak to much.

Never know when someone's going to take harmless words for poison.

The Battlestations forums make the point crystal clear.

For the second (or third) day in a row we've had forum-wide flame-baiting, flaming, mud-slinging and admin-bashing. All over someone's frayed nerves from overwork and habitual board trolling.

And as always people take sides.

Some of us hid in the dubious thread that marked a certain Love Shack, exchanging virtual cocktails and my (prototype) Milo Dinosaur & Godzilla which seemed to have the unintended side effect of being an extremely powerful virtual laxative.

And then there was the virtual godmother that I just made and my being tagged as a toyboy for one (I shall quote) "Famous for being Infamous" personality.

I still don't fully get the title of toyboy but my brother says it's gay to get involved in shady happenings in the certain Love Shack.

To me I find it pure fun and laughter, and at least there's peace there. For a few hours we stared out the windows of the Love Shack watching the flaming going all around thanking the Developers for leaving the Love Shack as one of the few oases we had to avoid the destruction brewing outside.

And then frayed nerves gave way to exuberant naivete as people pushed the e-blame all around, each making senseless excuses for senseless behaviours.

Maybe *hugs* and *kisses* aren't the fare of new-generation tough guys and online ah bengs. But I'd take that, and being a toyboy anytime over getting cursed and sworn and insulted with impunity.

Come on, say <3. Now that's a good boy.

P.S. My Real Life Class Reunion Chalet was way more of a blast than the online bashing.

You go Devs, all the way!

P.P.S. And because I can get away with it here. Ken. Is. My. Brother.

#69 Class Chalet

Which class?



04' 4E2.



By rough estimate 1/3 of the class turned up.

#68 I Come In Here...

And I don't know what to say.

Ah well, just wanted to say good bye to my blog.

The one thing I have left.

Will be back in three days...maybe.

*Takes leave*