It's funny.
I trust enough that people around me are real.
Yet lack the trust to believe in going back.
I trust enough that I am safe and in His protection.
Yet not enough to believe that the same mistakes will not happen a third time.
What went wrong?
Well then, what went right?
It's when things don't look, feel and happen the way that felt right anymore.
And then you are left all alone, grasping at what is not there.
How are you then going to help others find their way?
To stay on would mean putting on a mask of deceit, of pretence.
Sometimes I wonder if this decision of mine, to only observe, is the right one.
Because then that way, how I feel will be exclusive and thus not negatively influence others.
Right?
Leader of the Band by Daniel Fogelberg
An only child alone and wild
A cabinet makers son
His hands were meant for different work
And his heart was known to none
He left his home and went his lone
And solitary way
And he gave to me a gift I know
I never can repay
A quiet man of music
Denied a simpler fate
He tried to be a soldier once
But his music wouldnt wait
He earned his love through discipline
A thundering, velvet hand
His gentle means of sculpting souls
Took me years to understand
The leader of the band is tired
And his eyes are growing old
But his blood runs through my instrument
And his song is in my soul
My life has been a poor attempt
To imitate the man
Im just a living legacy
To the leader of the band
My brothers lives were different
For they heard another call
One went to Chicago
And the other to St. Paul
And I'm in Colorado
When I'm not in some hotel
Living out this life I've chose
And come to know so well
I thank you for the music
And your stories of the road
I thank you for the freedom
When it came my time to go
I thank you for the kindness
And the times when you got tough
And Papa I dont think I said
I love you near enough
The leader of the band is tired
And his eyes are growing old
But his blood runs through my instrument
And his song is in my soul
My life has been a poor attempt
To imitate the man
Im just a living legacy
To the leader of the band
I am the living legacy
To the leader of... the band.
Friday, May 2, 2008
Thursday, May 1, 2008
#74 Since I'm Logged In
I might as well update. Just came home from a meeting at school with my module chair, regarding my student status. It turns out I was marked "dormant" for my period of inactivity during the first few weeks of the semester. I had no idea this would happen; I have no schedule classes in school, finished them all except two non-class based modules.
And so I arrived at school to reaffirm my commitment to completing my studies as well as get my student status reverted back to "active".
But the few weeks that have gone by have been much more eventful than that, many of which have not be school-related;
Just a week ago, I woke up one day to find that I could not feel any sensation in my left arm from shoulder down. It was a rather scary moment; I couldn't get up.
I used my right arm to grab and pull my left arm back to its proper position and was considering frantically whether to shout for help. The whole episode was made worse by two things;
1. My arm felt incredibly different. I surmise that during that point in time my arm muscles had already relaxed and that contributed to the unnaturally smooth feeling of my arm.
2. My arm was extremely heavier than normal.
Thankfully, I soon regained feeling in my arm within seconds. Not long after I could work my arm normally.
The experience stuck in my mind for quite a few nights.
Then just yesterday morning, I woke up and discovered my right arm was racked with muscle cramps.
Imagine the sense of deja vu. Not a very pleasant thought.
Back to the present. Through the past week I realised how God has been protecting me inspite of all my transgressions. As I went through the events in the past few years I realised that through every hardship I faced (or magnified through an anxious mind), there was never a time I was left in the lurch the moment I decided to face my fears.
I was given a way out in spite of my lack of effort in my studies, always being given a chance to improve.
When I lost my confidence and began to forsake my studies because of rumours and my lack of self-confidence, I still managed to pass my modules.
The only modules I failed were the ones I ran away from the longest, and even then I was given chances time and again; even now I am given yet another chance.
A passion I have never really voiced out but have worked on consistently (only now of which I began to realise) has grown. Though it may not be what I want to focus on as an occupation in the future, it has really given me much respite from my fears, inadequacies and disbelief.
I won't say I've made it but I'll definitely say that I've survived. And I didn't do it alone.
主题曲 林宇中
回憶的聲音 播在眼裡
像是一首旋律 多麼美麗
那時我很肯定 你是我唯一
眨個眼我們就各分東西
* 再說我愛你 淚把心佔據
卻有些甜蜜 誰傷心被允許
說過的話語 做過的事情
像歌曲 陪我每個冬季
紀念著我和你相愛這主題
Repeat All
時間早已忘記 分手時候的無情
你給的美好回憶 讓我有懷念的勇氣
Repeat *
紀念著我和你相愛這主題
And so I arrived at school to reaffirm my commitment to completing my studies as well as get my student status reverted back to "active".
But the few weeks that have gone by have been much more eventful than that, many of which have not be school-related;
Just a week ago, I woke up one day to find that I could not feel any sensation in my left arm from shoulder down. It was a rather scary moment; I couldn't get up.
I used my right arm to grab and pull my left arm back to its proper position and was considering frantically whether to shout for help. The whole episode was made worse by two things;
1. My arm felt incredibly different. I surmise that during that point in time my arm muscles had already relaxed and that contributed to the unnaturally smooth feeling of my arm.
2. My arm was extremely heavier than normal.
Thankfully, I soon regained feeling in my arm within seconds. Not long after I could work my arm normally.
The experience stuck in my mind for quite a few nights.
Then just yesterday morning, I woke up and discovered my right arm was racked with muscle cramps.
Imagine the sense of deja vu. Not a very pleasant thought.
Back to the present. Through the past week I realised how God has been protecting me inspite of all my transgressions. As I went through the events in the past few years I realised that through every hardship I faced (or magnified through an anxious mind), there was never a time I was left in the lurch the moment I decided to face my fears.
I was given a way out in spite of my lack of effort in my studies, always being given a chance to improve.
When I lost my confidence and began to forsake my studies because of rumours and my lack of self-confidence, I still managed to pass my modules.
The only modules I failed were the ones I ran away from the longest, and even then I was given chances time and again; even now I am given yet another chance.
A passion I have never really voiced out but have worked on consistently (only now of which I began to realise) has grown. Though it may not be what I want to focus on as an occupation in the future, it has really given me much respite from my fears, inadequacies and disbelief.
I won't say I've made it but I'll definitely say that I've survived. And I didn't do it alone.
主题曲 林宇中
回憶的聲音 播在眼裡
像是一首旋律 多麼美麗
那時我很肯定 你是我唯一
眨個眼我們就各分東西
* 再說我愛你 淚把心佔據
卻有些甜蜜 誰傷心被允許
說過的話語 做過的事情
像歌曲 陪我每個冬季
紀念著我和你相愛這主題
Repeat All
時間早已忘記 分手時候的無情
你給的美好回憶 讓我有懷念的勇氣
Repeat *
紀念著我和你相愛這主題
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)