#133 It's Dad's Birthday Today

Officially 1 hour has passed midnight.

Just got out from the bath after Jump. I'm glad I went. Not too sure where to start though except the huge nostalgia.

And I revisited my reason for accepting Christ once again.

It's too bad so many people missed it. Sometimes we look too much at how other people have shortchanged us that in our *insert correct word*, we instead shortchange ourselves.

The past few months have been trying but also educational. I dare not say I know the balance of things, but at least I have made a step to realising what is important. Let's just say I will never look at life the same again.

I realise that as I met everyone, I remember them because I care personally about each of them. I used to wonder why I remember all the brothers and sisters; Genuine concern cannot be faked.

So what's up tomorrow? Work.

Hey, one doesn't change overnight.

#132 I Haven't Come Online In Two Days

Such busyness is rare for a sloth like me.

In a random case of selective memory;

Geng Yuan (to Elaine, Heng Yu & myself): "Hey, I treat you all to one plain prata each!"

I'm dead, dead, dead tired.

And so I'm back, for now.

Saturday's Dad's birthday.

Time to sleep.

#131 After All The Fireworks & Fanfare

Heh. Why do I get this feeling that I've been hoodwinked and abandoned once again?

Dear me, am I too easily trusting?

Or just so stupid that I look as if I'm dying to be ripped off.

#130 So It Hasn't Changed

And as the days pass, my mistakes in your eyes grow. You never fail to let go of any mistakes I make; repeating them off the top of your head everyday.

This is not nagging. This is conscience/confidence/future-genocide.

From the cradle to now you've always been planning for my future, keeping important decisions away by saying," it is too much for an immature mind like yours to handle." But you never look back at your past and remember how as an immature mind you had to handle issues far beyond your years.

And then you wonder why I don't care where my life is going.

Its not true.

It's just you want my life to go according to what you plan. And I don't see any shred of space left for me to participate and mould my own future.

No skills, no confidence, no conscience, nothing.

You ask me if I have problems and that I should share with you so you can solve it. Then you tell me how hard you are working and how crappy I have been leading my life.

How then can I tell you the shallowest of my thoughts?

Each time I open up my mouth to speak, you finish the sentence for me in negative ways I could never have thought up.

Are you trying to help me build a positive life through negativity? Or do you just want to see me go to hell if I fail your guidance?

The reason why I don't like to work there is simple; I'm still within that shroud of negativity that somehow my other brothers do not fall in.

In the first place, you don't believe I can make mature decisions. How then can I amount to anything in such a suffocating environment?

And sorry I get up late. That's because I wake up 2 hours earlier than you everyday, when someone goes to school.

To put it in a simple way: It's hard to ask you for help when I am going to get criticised. I'd rather just shut up and learn it the hard way.

By the way, isn't the hard way the way you always learn?