#109 Dear Family

I'd be letting you all down if I were to give up at this moment. And yet I so feel like giving up, because of the amazing odds stacked against me.

Learning a programming language from scratch.

Putting it into actual practice for a game my future depends on.

Wasting yet another few thousands of our family's money.

Causing Dad and Mom to worry.

I've realised it too late.

I never could run away from the world.

And now as I sit here, I realised I've gained so much more.

But at what cost?

My mind must have been way dense to not learn it the time when Granny passed away; a life lost, at what cost?

I honestly don't deserve anything I have right now.

My conclusion? Never give up, if only for the lost cost.

*Edit* If you think today is your last, how would you live it?

My mind's hurting, conscience's grieving, muscle's aching and breathing's shallow but somehow I'm living as if tomorrow might be a better day.

Please let it come to pass, if only for what I may have become.

#108 Hmmm...

I never expected myself to like programming.

But PHP and MySQL database programming is interesting to me.

For the past 3 days I have been staying over at Jason drummer's house rushing my belated FYP project, and I am seriously surprised at my sudden diligence.

Maybe it's the urgency (although way overdue as my dad correctly pointed out). I don't know.

Nothing much new to update except that my project excites me in ways I have long lost touch with.

It's a web-based story/game hybrid with several personal innovations;

The story excites me;

Anticipating the completed piece excites me;

Oh gosh, think I've been doing too much programming; I'm even ending sentences with semi-colons!

(For your information, semi-colons are separators and are used to distinguish one set of instructions from another. Kind of like a full stop at the end of each sentence so you know when the next sentence starts.)

I've got some apologies to make, especially about my behavior I guess. I should have accepted situations as is and not fall into the trap that so many people have; clumping past bitterness together in a jam-packed dose of self-administered poison.

For now, I'm going to tie up the loose ends and fix my situation.

#107 People Stare Into Water

And see their future.

Me? I stare into the wall and see my future.

Just kidding.

Adobe Photoshop, Flash & Dreamweaver.

Kiss your brain goodbye. That and your CPU.