#121 Ow Ow Ow!

I must have unhinged a screw somewhere during the journey to the wet market. Went with dad to work. (he woke me up because the restaurant was short-handed)

Almost puked.

That's how crappy my motion sickness is.

Dropped by after work to disturb Jerrome. He should have quit already, but being the MNG (Mr Nice Guy) he is, he stuck till the schedule is done. If I were him... let's not talk about it.

My younger brother bought a chibi-Eeyor from there; it's cute, that's for one.

*And yes I find stuffed toys cute even though am close to two-decades-old. Revelation.*

Anyone fancy watching cellphones battle cyber-terrorism with a bumbling high-schooler as a buddy?

Go search Keitai Sousakan 7 (Cellphone Investigator Seven). One word. Awesome. In some ways the robotic cellphones bring out so much more emotion than some people I know. *zips mouth*

"How many times do I have to tell you, don't throw cellphones around!"

>_<*!

#120 Right Day Gone Wrong

For the first time in quite some time, I actually felt good.

And everything was dashed by a phone call from Dad. It was a simple one minute call but it made much impact.

How can I will myself to be stronger when every word you say is poison in my bones?

How can you expect to impart change through negativity? And so many times you've reserved your negativity for me while generously dishing out positivity to my brothers.

And I fought with myself inside to change my weakness but at the end of the day, the things I made right you do not see and the things I haven't you magnify. Then you go wondering why I haven't changed the past few years.

The truth is this; you've taken for granted just like I have, and everyone else has. My elder brother says it out loud with vulgarities, my younger brother keeps it in because the status quo is fine for him but me? I'm stuck between the weight of your thumb pressing upon my conscience for my entire life's mistakes and that so near yet so far belief that I might one day be vindicated at least in your eyes.

Bad day? Hell ya, bash me for my weakness, my laziness, my lack willpower and self-control. Ignore my weak but existent tries, pleas and attempts. Then wonder how I can this loser's life.

Truth is, I can't. But you're not giving me any space to grow. And don't start comparing your past with my present. I can't compete with memory bias.

Well what a nice entry. My whole day's happiness ruined in moments. Now all that's left is some anger and that feeling that I should just give up and end it all somehow.

How I wish there was a "game over, please try again."

#119 Untitled

Because I don't know how to title it.

Somehow I'm growing lethargic and burnt out. Guess it's finally happening; the damage from the crunch period.

So I have no choice but to stay at home, rest and repair my body. Oh well.

Can't move around much without having a headache and a racing pulse. Not that there is much excitement around. That, and my awful loss of sense of taste and appetite.

Had dinner with Yan Xiang; it's been a long time since our last meet up. Guess he's coming out of NS soon; in contrast, I'm going in soon!

Oh well, if I pass my FYP this time round.

#118 I Did Something...

...Counter intuitive today. I Googled myself. Literally.

And guess what I found? Memories, some of which have long been banished into the deepest recesses of my mind.

The experience is beyond explanation.

*Breathes in, breathes out*

Beyond.

Explanation.

#117 A Day Off

Finally. After all that stress. I'm proud to say I'm free by choice. Let go of blame and grasped on to a renewed interest in life. I used to think that if I ever were to fall, crash and burn, I'd be better off disappearing and not dragging anyone else down. Can't say I've totally overcome this thought, but it's good to know that I won't stay down forever.

And I've learnt it the hard way. What's "it"? "It" is the empowering feeling of taking charge of my life and not wallowing in self-pity saying its all gone to pieces and I should exist my life away on some make-believe world of my own.

Because when the truth hits, it hits hard.

Am seriously looking forward to Jerrome's birthday celebration. Big plans for that, brother! But then I've been teasing you all week about being your best man so... I guess you know! What's coming up? Not telling!

But on a more personal note, I've began to revisit that feeling of love once again by chance. Not by choice that one, but when it strikes... well it strikes. Things are a little (or more) complicated this time round though but I'm enjoying breath of fresh air from the mundane life I've been dragging my feet about in all this while.

And once again the peeps in Battle.net are making fun of my laggy laptop. *Hmph*

Careful I don't fling an MRL at you. =P