A.B.C.D.E.F.G.H.I.J.K.L.M.N.O.P.Q.R.S.T.U.V.W.X.Y.Z.
Wonderful. Imeem limits the playback to just the chorus. =/
Ah well. In the meantime I've found another buddy who isn't in NS yet, despite being a graduate. Seems like we're stuck in limbo, for now.
Is it true when we're stuck in limbo, we tend to veer toward negativity?
I'd like time to count backwards.
I'd like to disappear, fade into dust.
I'd like for any emotion other than despondency.
I'd like to feel hope once again.
I'd like to wake up in the morning for once.
Because the night seems so long.
Friday, September 19, 2008
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
#142 Change
I've realised how much I have changed; have taken note. I prepared myself when I was about to leave, but now I wish I hadn't changed so much.
I've become... acerbic in thoughts, quick to deny and despondent about my existence.
To paint a picture of roses stings my mind thoroughly when I realised how starved I am.
Starved of a sense of direction.
Met Ben after quite a long time. I was late for the movie, but managed to arrive enough to catch most of the action. It was pretty... NC-16 in a few ways, Bangkok Dangerous. After that was a walk from Cathay Cineleisure to Marina Square and then to Bugis for a light meal before Ben went home I continue my outing, this time with my cousins.
It's been a week since I last stepped out of my house. That last outing sucked bad. Eating alone in the middle of town felt pointless, and before I finished my meal I felt bloated.
Not the usual me.
But then again these aren't usual times. or I hope they won't be.
As the past 6 or so months flashed by I realise how life can truly suck. Beyond the literal sense of the word.
It's funny how people who have something to occupy them, be it work or play, move on as if hard-wired for mundane living.
But play, to me nowadays, just doesn't cut it. I feel worse than a pile of porcelain antiques; at least they are, though centuries old, of interest/use in the museums for people hungering for a glimpse of the past.
Me? I'm just there, made obsolete by my absolute lack of interest in life and all mundane things.
I wonder when it all started.
Because I can't hope for a future when I can't even make sense of my present.
I've become... acerbic in thoughts, quick to deny and despondent about my existence.
To paint a picture of roses stings my mind thoroughly when I realised how starved I am.
Starved of a sense of direction.
Met Ben after quite a long time. I was late for the movie, but managed to arrive enough to catch most of the action. It was pretty... NC-16 in a few ways, Bangkok Dangerous. After that was a walk from Cathay Cineleisure to Marina Square and then to Bugis for a light meal before Ben went home I continue my outing, this time with my cousins.
It's been a week since I last stepped out of my house. That last outing sucked bad. Eating alone in the middle of town felt pointless, and before I finished my meal I felt bloated.
Not the usual me.
But then again these aren't usual times. or I hope they won't be.
As the past 6 or so months flashed by I realise how life can truly suck. Beyond the literal sense of the word.
It's funny how people who have something to occupy them, be it work or play, move on as if hard-wired for mundane living.
But play, to me nowadays, just doesn't cut it. I feel worse than a pile of porcelain antiques; at least they are, though centuries old, of interest/use in the museums for people hungering for a glimpse of the past.
Me? I'm just there, made obsolete by my absolute lack of interest in life and all mundane things.
I wonder when it all started.
Because I can't hope for a future when I can't even make sense of my present.
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