#138 It Seems Even My Mind

Has gone random.

These few days I've been remembering people in my life, though not by any external stimuli. I just sit down and suddenly remember someone and ponder about why they were/are in my life and how they have changed it.

Sometimes it just makes me wonder if the happenings are for better or worse. It has come to my conclusion though, that whatever has happened, for better or for worse is independent of that which has happened and reliant on what I make out of it.

Just a few minutes (okay maybe close to an hour) ago, I was sitting there taking my dinner when I suddenly remember someone from my secondary school. It made me wonder how that person is doing right now in life.

That person was someone whom I didn't have the courage to talk to for three over years. And when I finally did, it was all a mess. And then I wanted to run away.

Looking back makes me want to chuckle in nostalgia, but back then it was grave business. *serious face*

I'm not sure why, but deep inside of me, I'm really not a very sociable person. No matter how much I try to be, there's always this hidden fear that things "don't work out right". The feeling is further amplified if I'm in a crowd, and I just space out.

However, I do not as often experience this kind of anxiety in a group of "uncles & aunties", or people at least ten years my senior. I'm not sure why, and probably never will.

I really wonder which long lost friend pops up in my mind tomorrow. On hindsight, perhaps it's my subconsciousness' way of "counting my blessings, the people who have made a difference in my life."

But whatever the case, I'm looking forward to my new life stage in NS soon.