#164 In The Distance

As I was on the train back home, I looked to the distance. As if trailing the setting sun, a burst of redness swelled across the horizon.

Somehow, I felt a stirring, an urgency within me.

Fast forward to the slow walk home;

In Everything There Is A Gift

In tears, there is consolation
In pain, there is healing
In remorse, there is forgiveness
In anger, there is respite
In disgrace, there is humility
In separation, there is memory
In rejection, there is another door

And yet,

To love deeply, is to hurt deeply. And I know that despite all my faults and failings, there is One who loves me deeply, and who because of my distance, hurts deeply.

But still I cannot find the courage, to return, to seek His forgiveness, to enter His sanctuary. Because, the fear I have is perhaps as strong as the anger that I feel within.

People may fail us, but how many utterly destroy us by neglect?

As I looked into that redness, I feel the emotions I have felt and am feeling, that just as red is the colour of blood, so is it the colour of love.

And yet, because of all my failings I cannot go back.

So here, I am, observing, my doubts caged in, my fears suppressed, my anger repressed.

But hey, at least I can smile.

Why? Don't know, I just try.