#125 Questions

And more questions.

As the clock strikes 12 and Jerrome turns 1 year older, a few conversations on MSN made me questioned beliefs, opinions, ideals, principles and progress.

Why we do what we do.

Why we believe what we believe.

Why we think what we think.

Makes my mind go into overload. There are simply too many possibilities I (as a person, an individual in society, a sapling) can veer to in the short time.

There is this tinge of sadness at the realisation of how I am beheld.

Tinge of sadness at how we as humans (including and especially myself) can choose to ignore beauty and cause for happiness in indulging in our grievances.

The beauty I am talking about is beyond physical; I am referring literally to the sense of happiness.

The more I see, the more I reflect and the more come to question myself; particularly the flawed aspect of my persona.

Am I who I claim to be to others? Am I who others believe me to be? Am I who I believe I am to be? If so, then to what extent? If not, then what am I?

The more I see, the more I behold of behaviour and persona in society, the less I feel I know. What is this limit in my mind that I cannot comprehend that which I cannot comprehend?

I find my grasping at the soil of life, intent on finding more than just solid ground to stand, but the stuff that makes the ground solid.

Why is 1 + 1 = 2? What makes it true? Who determined that? Why do I not question that statement? How much of it is fact? How much of fact is fact? Because fact is not set in stone, how then can I be secure in it?

The more I question the less I know. But I've side-tracked, the purpose of my questioning is to pinpoint this; why are people so fluid; ever changing like the tides in the ocean.

Why do some want me to believe in what they believe yet not want to believe in what I believe in? Where is the balance to the equation? Why are good intentions not factored with emotional needs?

I feel like I am a well of untapped potential; a well whose waters are yet to be drawn. So incomplete and yet on the brink of bursting upon the lands with something close to my heart and new to the world.

Is my proficiency only centred around fun and creating a temporary sense of happiness in people? Why do people trust me but yet not trust me? What is trust in the definition that my mind is inclined towards?

And then my mind says, "Enough for tonight."

Why is that so?

*Edit*

And as I re-read all that I have typed, I realize with sadness, I have unlearned what I have learnt; I have forsaken what I pursued.

The consequences are dire.