That I see in another. Only thing that person didn't turn out as I had. Something way more active, more malignant, more aggressive developed. The pain that I know all too well. I feel for that soul but am prevented from helping because the door is closed.
Today I made plans, met the star of Saturday and did preparations. Tomorrow's going to be a busy day heading down to the wet market to buy food, get my personal grooming up to standard (I have to admit in the past two months I cared less about how I look than I cared about anything else) as well as make the final preparations.
At the same time I am reminded that my dad's birthday is the following Saturday. Going to make plans for that one as well. As he is very busy (by choice and by circumstances), I want to accommodate him and show him that I care just as he cares for me. I've been a stupid kid for a good part of my life (and more good years ahead as Puppy puts it), but I don't want to denigrate into an unloving, ungrateful, hate-filled, self-absorbed, impudent creature, unworthy to be called a son.
Don't worry, those negative adjectives are a mental reminder for me to take note.
And on the other side of things, tomorrow I find out if I fail or pass. Not much to do except to wait. Whatever the result I'm not going to fret. I deserve a straight fail. This chance is more than I should have gotten. And I am grateful for that.
To sign it off, just to remind myself, I'm going to confess my undying love for my dad, mom, elder and younger brothers, as well as (and especially) my grandmother who has passed away. In my heart she lives on. I should honour that memory.
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